Owning Your Own Self Esteem

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Would you believe that how you build your self esteem could contribute to a life crisis?

I have operated a stress management facility for more than 20 years. A challenge for everyone is achieving a sense of self esteem or self worth. Over the years, I have observed and tried for myself many different methods to build self esteem or self worth. Each entails its own focus. But strangely enough there are powerful similarities. And these similarities may actually contribute to life crisis.

For instance one method that I noticed is for a person to "dress up" towards being a better person. This on the outset seems to make sense--better dressed people seem to have more respect from others. The example of this would be that simply start with a person's clothing. Changing the wardrobe in order to make ones self feel better--sounds like it would be a natural for women--is part of one approach.

Along the same lines maybe the person can change careers--a better skill set would enhance his/her self esteem.

It's not that these are not good things to do or won't eventually happen, but the fact of the matter is, they all deal with things outside of the person. Should one mistakenly dress inappropriately for a special event what happens to his/her self esteem? Should the person fall short of passing the required exams to become certified in a new skill set, what happens to his/her self esteem?

Another approach to building self esteem suggests setting goals. To start with small goals and as they are achieved set higher and higher goals. Very general of course this could encompass both examples already given. It could also mean moving up the corporate ladder one rung at a time. It could be accomplished by buying a piece of real estate and doing something with it like building a home, or going in the business of buying and selling real estate. Or buying penny stocks and then advancing toward stocks on the Dow.

Achievement of each goal breeds success which breeds good feelings about self. All seems to make perfect sense, right?

In every case, was self esteem built totally dependent on self? or is the self esteem built totally dependent on the outcome of being dressed appropriately, or demonstrating a new skill set, or having a home, or real estate, or a better job in the company, or a profitable stock portfolio? There is a big difference and this is where a majority of self-esteem building programs are flawed--self esteem is built on outcomes and not on self.

What is a life crisis? Answer: A life crisis is an emotional event wherein the sufferer is often challenged with dealing with bankruptcy, a divorce, loss of home, loss of job or career, loss of physical skills, loss of youthful appearance, and so on. But aren't these things the very things on which most of us have built our self esteem? Do you see the connection? Do you see the danger in using that approach to build self esteem.

Building self esteem the way most of us have been taught and instructed can actually contribute to life crisis.

The approach to build true self esteem goes beyond need to accomplish goals to build self esteem. Yes, you will still achieve all the goals and dreams you desire, but you won't need them to feel better about you. The program should foster a strong sense of self. Yes, in the face of loss (all of us experience loss) you will feel and experience disappointment and all the emotions with it and guess what? You will still like you!

Resource Box: Richard Kuhns NGH certified has been empowering others through his writings published on the internet for over three years. His best selling self help mp3 downloads are at http://www.DStressDoc.com and to learn more about building true self esteem please go to http://www.SelfEsteemCure.com

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